I cry.
I cry everyday.
Ugly tears.
Happy tears.
It's just what I do.
Some people smoke cigarettes, or drink a glass of wine, or hit the punching bag to release stress, I cry.
For the longest time, mostly because my mother-in-law said so, I thought I had issues.
Then I realized that I was normal.
A normal, warm blooded, heart on my sleeve, soulful girl.
Everything goes straight to my heart.
The good, the bad, the ugly.
It is a blessing and a curse.
I feel so much and because of this and the need to express it on a regular basis, I cry.
I feel the pain of an abandoned child.
I feel the pain of a homeless man.
I feel the pain of someone running out of gas.
I feel the pain of death and heartbreak.
I feel the pain of it all.
God gave me this heart and I'm not afraid to use it. Maybe I am dramatic and emotional and need extra care at times, but isn't that what humans are supposed to be? My mother pretty much raised my 3 sisters and I and because of the fact that there were five girls in our house....emotions were always flying around like mosquitoes on a hot summer night. We cried too much, laughed to much and yelled too much, but we loved too much. Once becoming an adult, I thought the whole world was like us. We had hardcore, WWE fights, but then ten minutes later we would be making pancakes together and laughing at the mess we made. Life is not like that. Friendships and relationships are not like that. Other people are not my family. I've always been honest with myself and other people and it took me so long to learn that I can't tell someone off because they made me mad and then expect them to be my friend in ten minutes.....not everyone grew up with sisters. I've lost a lot of friends by acting this way and in my own defense, I had no idea that the real world didn't work that way. I question it often. I married into a family that does not show emotion. It has been one of the hardest changes in my whole life. I've had to learn how to leave my heart at home when visiting them. Does anyone know how hard that is? Especially when I've worn my heart on sleeve for 30 years. There is always a battle within me when around them. Do I act like myself or just sit there and look pretty and speak when spoken to? Do I hug them? Do I say "I love you"? Why do I even have to question those things?
A little quote I ran across this week that made me smile about this situation that I often find myself in...
I feel the pain of someone running out of gas.
I feel the pain of death and heartbreak.
I feel the pain of it all.
God gave me this heart and I'm not afraid to use it. Maybe I am dramatic and emotional and need extra care at times, but isn't that what humans are supposed to be? My mother pretty much raised my 3 sisters and I and because of the fact that there were five girls in our house....emotions were always flying around like mosquitoes on a hot summer night. We cried too much, laughed to much and yelled too much, but we loved too much. Once becoming an adult, I thought the whole world was like us. We had hardcore, WWE fights, but then ten minutes later we would be making pancakes together and laughing at the mess we made. Life is not like that. Friendships and relationships are not like that. Other people are not my family. I've always been honest with myself and other people and it took me so long to learn that I can't tell someone off because they made me mad and then expect them to be my friend in ten minutes.....not everyone grew up with sisters. I've lost a lot of friends by acting this way and in my own defense, I had no idea that the real world didn't work that way. I question it often. I married into a family that does not show emotion. It has been one of the hardest changes in my whole life. I've had to learn how to leave my heart at home when visiting them. Does anyone know how hard that is? Especially when I've worn my heart on sleeve for 30 years. There is always a battle within me when around them. Do I act like myself or just sit there and look pretty and speak when spoken to? Do I hug them? Do I say "I love you"? Why do I even have to question those things?
A little quote I ran across this week that made me smile about this situation that I often find myself in...
(image found here.)
Wear your heart on your sleeve this weekend.
-B
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